Cowboy Wisdom Read online

  Copyright

  Copyright © 1995 by Modern Man Books

  All rights reserved.

  Warner Books, Inc.

  Hachette Book Group

  237 Park Avenue

  New York, NY 10017

  Visit our website at www.HachetteBookGroup.com

  First eBook Edition: September 2009

  ISBN: 978-0-446-56667-4

  To the lady who wears many hats.

  TERRY HALL

  To Ann Stebben—a true rodeo cowgirl.

  GREGG STEBBEN

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  We would like to thank the following people for their assistance: Claudia and Mike Riordan; Susan and Bill Streaker; Hal Cannon and Cyd McMullen of the Western Folklore Center of Elko, Nevada; C. J. Hadley and Benny Romero of Range magazine; Kathy Gangwisch; Kathy Lynn Wills of the Cowboy Country General Store; Charlotte Thompson; Jennifer Lyons; Judy Andreson; Rib, Pat, and Wylie Gustafson; Harry Rinker; Ted Hake of Hake’s Americana & Collectibles; F. E. Abernathy of the Texas Folklore Society; and Heather Bach.

  Grateful acknowledgment is given for permission to quote from the following:

  Selections from Great American Folklore by Kemp P. Battle. Copyright © 1986 by Kemp Battle. Used with permission of Doubleday Book & Music Clubs, Inc. “The Coyote: Animal and Folk-Character,” by Lillian Elizabeth Barclay from Coyote Wisdom, edited by J. Frank Dobie, Mody C. Boatwright, and Harry H. Ransom, Publications of the Texas Folklore Society Number 14, 1938; “Fifty Thousand Mustangs” by Frank Collinson (originally published in Ranch Romances, March and November 1936), “Mustanging on the Staked Plains, 1887” by Homer Hoyt (originally published in The Colorado Magazine, March 1934), “Black Kettle” by Frank M. Lockard (originally published by R. G. Wolfe, 1924), and “A Mustanger of 1850” by J. W. Moses (originally published in the San Antonio Express, April 1888) from Mustangs and Cow Horses, edited by J. Frank Dobie, Mody C. Boatwright, and Harry H. Ransom, Publications of the Texas Folklore Society Number 16, 1940; “Ranch Remedios” by Frost Woodhull from Man, Bird and Beast, edited by J. Frank Dobie, Publications of the Texas Folklore Society Number 8, 1930. All reprinted by permission of the Texas Folklore Society.

  Grateful acknowledgment is also given for use from the following: A Son of the Frontier by John Abernathy; Calamity Jane and the Lady Wildcats by Duncan Aikman; Vanishing Breed by William Albert Allard; Captain George Ash by George Ash; Back in the Saddle Again by Gene Autry; The American West by Lucius Beebe and Charles Clegg; Cow by the Tail by Jesse James Benton; Riding the Mustang Trail by Forrester Blake; Cowboy Life on the Western Plains by Edgar Beecher Bronson; Wondrous Times on the Frontier by Dee Brown; An Old Time Cowboy by London Brown; Muggins, the Cow Horse by Charles Camp; Stunt Man by Yakima Canutt; Arizona Cowboys by Dane Coolidge; Old California Cowboys by Dane Coolidge; Range Rider by Bud Cowan; Cow Country by Edward Everett Dale; Cowboy Culture by David Dary; The Autobiography of Will Rogers by Donald Day; Cowboy Fun by Frank Dean; The Flavor of Texas by J. Frank Dobie; A Vaquero of the Brush Country by J. Frank Dobie and John Young; Cattle Kings of Texas by C. L. Douglas; Great Trails of the West by Richard Dunlop; A Corral Full of Stories by Joe M. Evans; Out West by Mike Flanagan; Once a Cowboy by Walt Garrison and John Tullius; The Cowboy Encyclopedia by Bruce Grant; An Overland Journey by Horace Greeley; Box-Office Buckaroos by Robert Heide and John Gilman; The Bad Man of the West by George D. Hendricks; The Humor of the American Cowboy by Stan Hoig; They Went Thataway by James Horwitz; The Drifting Cowboy by Will James; Cowgirls: Women of the American West by Teresa Jordan; Rodeo: The Sport of the Cow Country by Max Kegley; The Official John Wayne Reference Book by Charles John Kieskalt; Long Lance by Chief Buffalo Child Long Lance; Cowboy Songs and Other Frontier Ballads by J. A. and Alan Lomax; Women of the West by Cathy Luchetti and Carol Olwell; The Life and Legend of Tom Mix by Paul E. Mix; The Book of the American West by Jay Monaghan; Honky Tonk Angel: The Intimate Story of Patsy Cline by Ellis Nassour; Fifty Years on the Trail by John Young Nelson as described to Harrington O’Reilly; Wild Bill Hickok by Richard O’Connor; The Outlaw Trail by Robert Redford; The Roll Away Saloon by Roland W. Rider as told to Deirdre Murray Paulsen; The Cowgirls by Joyce Gibson Roach; The Cowboy by Philip Ashton Rollins; The Book of Cowboys by Francis Rolt-Wheeler; The Open Range and Bunk House Philosophy by Oscar Rush; The Lives and Legends of Buffalo Bill by Don Russell; The Settlers’ West by Martin F. Schmitt and Dee Brown; El Rodeo by Charles Simpson; The Kaw by Floyd Streeter; Clint Eastwood Riding High by Douglas Thompson; Cowboys of America by Sanford Tousey; Queen of Cowtowns by Stanley Vestal; The Cowboy at Work by Fay E. Ward; and Dodge City by Robert M. Wright.

  CONTENTS

  COPYRIGHT

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  NOTE

  1: LIFE

  2: TRAIL LORE

  3: LOVE & HORSES

  4: LOVE & WOMEN

  5: WOMEN & GUNS

  6: GREENHORNS, TENDERFEET, & OTHER AMUSEMENTS

  7: TROUBLE

  8: COWS

  NOTE

  This is a little collection of this and that and other things a cowboy knows, but that other folks might not. The things in this book have been learned the hard way, and I hope they help. Sometimes, a fellow will get out alone on the trail and get too hot or too wet or too dry and just plain go stupid because there’s not a smart cowboy around to make him see straight. That’s why this book has been designed to fit in a standard-sized saddlebag. It’s what you call your basic Cowpoke’s Companion.

  There’s not much in here from guys who talk cowboy, but aren’t, or from guys who dress cowboy, but aren’t. Cowboys think people who act like cowboys but aren’t are a pain in the behind, probably the same way proctologists can’t stand being around guys who talk and dress like proctologists, but aren’t. To get in this book, you either have to be a cowboy, or you have to be somebody a cowboy would like to be.

  There are also some things in here from women we call cowgirls, since that seems like the right way to call a person who does everything a cowboy does, but looks better doing it. Nowadays, these people are also called cow-women or cowpersons—but only by people who aren’t cowboys or cowgirls. Nothing like a good bounce on a hard saddle to knock the political correctness right out of a person.

  Anyway, if you’ve eaten enough dust to recognize where it came from by taste alone, you know who you are. Hope you and all your friends enjoy this little ride.

  —TERRY HALL Hastings, Nebraska

  1

  LIFE

  A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

  —ALAN LADD Hollywood, California in Shane 1953

  GUIDANCE FROM A BUNCH OF BOYS NAMED ROGERS

  All you have in life is your word, your handshake, and the image you portray.

  —DUSTY ROGERS

  Civilization has taught us to eat with a fork, but even now if nobody is around we use our fingers.

  —WILL ROGERS

  Give 90 percent and take 10 percent on both sides. That’s the way to get along with your horse or your wife.

  —ROY ROGERS

  COWBOY COLLEGE

  I contend that a year spent on the hurricane deck of a cow pony is one of the most useful and valuable pieces of experience a young man can possibly have in fitting himself for business of almost any kind; and if I were educating a boy to fight the battle of his life, I would secure him a cowboy’s situation as soon as he was through with his studies at school. A term of service on a frontier cattle ranch will take the conceit out of any boy; it will at the same time teach him self-reliance; it will teach him to endure hardships and suffering; it will give him nerve and pluck; it will develop the latent energy in him to a degree that could not be accomplished by any other apprenticeship or experience that I know of. Many
of the most successful businessmen in the Western towns of today served their first years on the frontier as “cow punchers,” and to that school they owe the firmness of character and the ability to surmount great obstacles that have made their success in life possible.

  —Tribune-Republican Denver, Colorado 1886 quoted by Clifford Westermeier in Trailing the Cowboy

  Son, if you’re going to be a cowboy, let me give you two pieces of advice: Stick to herding steers—never work for a cow-and-calf outfit. And never work for a man who has electricity in his barn. You’ll be up all night.

  —ANONYMOUS quoted by William Albert Allard in Vanishing Breed 1982

  Every cowboy thinks he knows more than every other cowboy. But the only thing they all know for sure is when’s payday and where’s grub.

  —L.L. ROYSTER Amarillo, Texas 1915

  I worked around cattle all my life, and I guess I learned all there is to know about it, and I think I can sum it all up in one thing: You can’t drink coffee on a running horse—and a good thing, too.

  —SAMUEL BRENNER Lubbock, Texas 1962

  You raise kids, dogs, and horses all the same.

  —RAY FARMER Elko, Nevada c.1964

  RULES OF THE RANGE

  The Roy Rogers Riders Club Rules

  Be neat and clean.

  Be courteous and polite.

  Always obey your parents.

  Protect the weak and help them.

  Be brave but never take chances.

  Study hard and learn all you can.

  Be kind to animals and care for them.

  Eat all your food and never waste any.

  Love God and go to Sunday School regularly.

  Always respect our flag and our country.

  —ROY

  Gene Autry’s Cowboy Code

  The cowboy must never shoot first, hit a smaller man, or take unfair advantage.

  He must never go back on his word, or a trust confided in him.

  He must always tell the truth.

  He must be gentle with children, elderly people, and animals.

  He must not advocate or possess racially or religiously intolerant ideas.

  He must help people in distress.

  He must be a good worker.

  He must keep himself clean in thought, speech, action, and personal habits. He must neither drink or smoke.

  He must respect women, parents, and his nation’s laws.

  He must be a patriot.

  —GENE

  Hopalong Cassidy’s Troopers’ Creed for Boys and Girls

  I promise:

  To be kind to birds and animals,

  To always be faithful and fair,

  To keep myself neat and clean,

  To always be courteous,

  To be careful when crossing streets,

  To avoid bad habits,

  To study and always learn my lessons,

  To obey my parents.

  —HOPPY

  HOUSE RULES

  These are the rules and regulations of this hotel.

  This house will be considered strictly intemperate.

  Persons owing bills for board will be bored for bills.

  Boarders who do not wish to pay in advance are requested to pay in advance.

  Boarders are requested to wait on the colored cook for meals.

  Sheets will be nightly changed once in six months—oftener if necessary.

  Boarders are expected to pull off their boots if they can conveniently do so.

  Beds with or without bedbugs.

  All moneys and other valuables are to be left in charge of the proprietor. This is insisted upon, as he will be held responsible for no losses.

  —Posted at a Dodge City, Kansas, hotel c. 1888

  Talk low, talk slow, and don’t say too much.

  —JOHN WAYNE

  You know, once, a long time ago, my dad told me something that I never have forgot. He told me that if all I knowed was cows and horses, then I better not try to put something over on a feller if I have to get off the subject of cows and horses to do it.

  —RILEY Texas panhandle 1932

  One day, I reviewed my life as a cowboy from every angle and come to the conclusion that all I had gained was experience, and I could not turn that into cash, so I decided I had enough of it, and made up my mind to go home, get married, and settle down to farming.

  —F. M. POLK Luling, Texas c. 1925

  My dearest Louisa—

  Well I have found work as a cow-boy here and as soon as I find honest work I will send for you and Sarah.…

  —CHARLES SMITH Bagdag Ranch, Texas 1891

  The cowboy gets up early in the morning, decides what he wants to do, then straddles his pony and gets to work. He does the best he can and spends as little money as possible.

  The politician gets up late in the morning, straddles the fence, spends all the money he can, gets all the votes lined up, and then decides what to do.

  —JOE M. EVANS EI Paso, Texas 1939

  I’ve always acted alone. Americans admire that enormously. Americans admire the cowboy leading the caravan alone, the cowboy entering a village alone on his horse.

  —HENRY KISSINGER

  It’s easy to say there are no atheists in foxholes, but it’s not as easy to say there are no atheists riding behind the back side of a herd.

  —LUTHER ROBINSON Tulsa, Oklahoma 1970

  COWBOY DEATH

  When life is over and my race is run,

  When death shadows gather and my time has come,

  When I’ve rode my last horse and have turned my last steer,

  When my soul has winged its way to that celestial sphere,

  When my grave has been dug and I’ve been laid to rest,

  Please let it be in the far, far West.

  —J. E. MCCAULEYSeymour, Texas1924

  I want no fenced-in graveyard

  With snorin’ souls about—

  Just cache me in the desert

  When my light goes out.

  —ANONYMOUS

  Oh, beat the drum slowly

  And play the fife lowly,

  Play the dead march as you carry me along;

  Take me to the green valley,

  There lay the sod o’er me,

  For I’m a young cowboy and know I’ve done wrong.

  —“The Cowboy’s Lament” TRADITIONAL

  They say there will be a great round-up,

  And cowboys, like dogies, will stand,

  To be mavericked by the Riders of Judgment

  Who are posted and know every brand.

  I know there’s many a stray cowboy

  Who’ll be lost in at the great final sale,

  When he might have gone in green pastures

  had he known the dim narrow trail.

  I wonder if ever a cowboy

  Stood ready for that Judgment Day

  And could say to the Boss of the Riders,

  “I’m ready, come drive me away.”

  They say He will never forget you,

  That He knows every action and look;

  So, for safety, you’d better get branded,

  Have your name in his big Tally Book,

  To be shipped to that bright mystic region,

  Over there in the green pastures to lie,

  And be led by the crystal still waters

  To the home in the sweet by-and-by.

  The road to that far happy region

  Is a dim narrow trail, so they say;

  But the bright one that leads to perdition

  Is posted and blazed all the way.

  —TRADITIONAL

  2

  TRAIL LORE

  THE UNIVERSAL BOVINE TRAIL BOSS COMMAND:

  Head ’em up! Move ’em out!

  —ERIC FLEMING as trail boss Gil Favor on TV’s Rawhide 1968

  One thing I’ll say fer the West is that in this country there is more cows and less butter, more rivers and less water, and you can look farther and see less t
han in any other place in the world.

  —ANONYMOUS Arizona rancher c. 1900

  ROWLAND RIDER’S TEN-POINT COWBOY CHECKLIST

  To become a good cowboy in certain areas, there’s ten rules that you’ve got to comply with before you get your silver spurs:

  1. Handle a lariat correctly.

  2. Rope an unbroken horse within the corral and break it to lead.

  3. Saddle a horse correctly. Also, properly set and cinch a pack saddle. And after that, you have to know how to guide a horse with one hand and also to guide him with your knees.

  4. Properly pack an animal, including throwing the diamond hitch. This means cinching, in the shape of a diamond, the ends of the rope that holds the pack saddle.

  5. How to approach a horse or mule to hobble it: It isn’t easy. You walk up to a horse with your head down and your hobbles in your hand. You don’t look him in the eye. You just walk up and crouch and go down and put the hobbles on him and step back.

  6. Memorize the local brands of the area and their position on the animal.

  7. Know and be able to perform the proper procedure to rope and stretch out an animal for branding and marking.

  8. How to use a “branding ring”—the proper temperature and method: The hotter the ring, the faster you can make the brand; it should be a good cherry red, and that’s about as hot as you can get it in a brush fire.

  9. Proper identification of cow and calf to insure proper ownership before branding. You let the mother cow search out the calf in the herd, and the calf will follow at her side.